time of the month).
I made mistakes and found it hard to apologize. My ego (darn it!) won't let me. sigh. But, on the other hand, i forgive and forget easily. I move on. I don't dwell on things and I don't bear grudges (too energy-consuming).
I don't know how to express myself especially emotionally. I was raised up in a family which is not very expressive of their feelings.we don't tell each other how we really feel. Our family motto has always been 'love goes without saying' and we live by that rule.
I over-think things sometimes.too much movies/dramas?
I feel excluded sometimes.I feel like my presence is unwanted and like i'm in their way.pathetic kan? but there you have it.The devil in me keeps on whispering "they seemed fine without you". With nothing better to do, I began entertaining these thoughts.So, i pushed myself further away.I was hoping my silence, my passive aggressive stand would answer it all. But i thought wrong. It only serve to further alienate myself from them. B.A.D mistake !
As soon as I did it, i realized what a huge mistake I've made. but I can't back-pedalled. My ego won't allow it.
Yesterday, i turned TWENTY.no big deal.I was like 'ok, you're 20 today and you're acting more like a 5 year old'. and Today they totally took me by surprise. They baked me a cake.my favourite cake pulak tu.cheesecake :) they cooked nasi minyak,air asam and poconan (no,don't be turned off by its name.It's heavenly delicious,man! ). They knew me well enough.nothing makes me happier than a good meal.
Then, came the next unexpected thing. They made a slide show for me.that nearly choked me. I really wasn't expecting that. It consists of our pictures together and as i looked at the pictures I found myself thinking "how the hell can you feel left out, Akma? They're there with you every single step of the way ".
Me, ever the Ice queen can't quite tell them how i really felt. how it REALLY made my day.how it made me happy.not just happy but dancing-on-air happy (even though on the exterior my feet seems firmly planted on Earth) how it left me with a warm glow during the whole day.
Today, I learned something. Something that I should have known all this while. Something that does not require assurance or further reaffirmation. I am SOMETHING to them and they are SOMETHING to me.In this foreign land, thousand of miles away from home,family and familiar faces, they are all that I have. They are my FRIENDS (right now, this word taste like honey on my lips.hehe)
oh, one more thing. I don't think I have to mention who 'they' are.you know who you are ;) It's enough to know that I really really really appreciate what you guys did.
Many people are obsessed with today's date.11/11/2011. Some said that today is an auspicious day.but for me Today is the day that i learned maturity does not necessarily comes with age. It has to be earned !
P/S : sekarang suka dengar songs by Adele :)
